Still trying to get happy

Today was interesting. That is best thing I can say now, but it was not all good. The last couple of months a lot has change for me. I quit my job at the end of April, without a backup plan. It was one of the scariest things that I have done, but it was also freeing. I had attempted to leave it last year, but then covid happen and I stayed. That turned out to be the best thing for me at that time. I learn so much and I glad I stayed.

Having that job was complicated to me, and I am still trying to process everything that went along with it. That was the very first job that I had. I worked my way up from the bottom to the top. I started out as a crew member then I became manager. That was something that I never thought would happen with me, and I am grateful that it did in some ways. I do not want to fully talk about that now there is still a lot for me to process with that job.

One thing that I did learn when I finally got the strength to trust my gut and trust me and walk away it was nice. It showed me what I wanted out of life and what I would no longer would accept. I just want to be happy and if that means being broke and having nothing then I am fine with that.

My end goal for the rest of my life is to just be happy, and not do anything that makes you regret any and everything with you. Now on from this moment I am going to focus on getting myself happy. I do not know what that will be, but I sure do know what it is not. That is my advice to you, make sure whatever you are doing that is making you happy. No matter what it is if you are not happy then what is the point.

Working

This week I have done some thinking about my life now, and what is next for me. I do not have the answer and I do not know when that will come or if it will come. I have a lot of self-doubt about myself and if I have the strength to get it done anything really. Most important do I have the mental strength to fight to be happy. Do not get me wrong I am mentally strong, but sometimes it gets hard to just hang you head out there to dry, and to fail.

Something about me people do not know is that I am not good with confrontation and criticism. Failure is a way for you to learn, and you can only grow from what you do not know.

I appreciate the criticism, but it gets hard to hear how bad you are at something. You can think that you are doing good then, that one person says something to you and that is all you can think about.  

That is just something that I need to work on, I try to, but it is hard. That is just a part of life, I guess. Another thing I forgot to say is that I am not writing as much as I did last year. This year I feel as if something is missing, and I just do not know what that is. I have the ideas, but I just cannot seem to find the words. I think I need a writing partner, but I do not know.

Falling down and getting up

Time is money ,and money is time. I have been thinking about something these last couple of weeks. I was wondering what is more important to me, making sure that I am secure, but doing something that I do not like, or struggling for a bit until I am able to do what I love and learning to make it. I do not have the answer yet, but I am leaning towards one way that I think is the best decision for me.

It has been almost a year since I made one of the biggest decisions of my life, but that change within the hour basically because of what is going on with the world. I was so sure and happy that I was about to do something that would change my life, but I had to do something that was secure and guaranteed that I would be okay at least for a while. I think about what could of happen, but I think I am starting to realize that it was for the best.

This week I am really thinking about doing something that I probably should not do, and all my friends and family would say is a crazy decision, but I think I would be okay with that. You only get to live this day once, and tomorrow is not promise to you as we have learn this last year. You have to step out and fall and fall again, you will get back up it might take a while and it might be hard, but you can at least say that you tried it. You get to a point where you get tired of doing and all you want to do is live.

Give it a minute

Have there ever been a time where a person lose site of what they want? The reason I am bringing this up again is that I think I am losing faith again. That is not something that is easy for me to say. I had goal what I want to complete by the end of the year, but I am nowhere near or halfway close to completing that. That is not that unusual for people to set goals and wait until the last minute to accomplish it.

This is something that a lot of people tend to do, and that is okay for me to not be done even though it is almost October. I did set a goal, but the most important thing is that I have not given up on my goal. When life throws you unexpected curve balls, that does not mean that you stop working for your goals. It just means it will take you a little bit more time than you expected.

One of the great challenges of life, is that each day you never know what you are going to get. It also could all be over within the blink of an eye. That is something that a lot of people tend to forget about life. It can all be over before you realize it. The most important thing is for you to believe that you can do it, no matter how long it takes in the end it will all be worth it. Rome was not built in a day, and neither what you are working on, just give it time.