Yesterday I was going to try to be happy, but then today came, and that went out the window. I honestly do not know why I am feeling like this. If I am being honest I know what exactly is going on, and I am just too afraid to answer it. I knew I had to be somewhere today, and I spent most of my morning planning for it. Knowing that my whole mood changed. One thing I do know is, that I need to work on me, if you can understand that.
The one thing I have learn since this whole quarantine situation ( even though I have not done it), is that you have to take care of yourself. Now that I am left along with my thoughts more than normally, a lot of things have come to light and have made me question every decision that I, or someone I know have made. The one thing that became clear to me is that I am not living life. I am something that is just here, That is terrifying to think about, yet I am still not doing anything to make it better. The more I am alone with these thoughts make me questions everything. I know what I need to do, but the question is will I do it.
This is just a peak into what I have been dealing with the last few months. Everyone be safe and take care of yourselves.
There has been a lot going on in the world now, and I honestly I do not know what to say. I have seen a lot in my 29 years on the earth, some good and some bad. I know people expect me act and say things a certain way because I am black, but to be honest I cannot find the words to say anything. What I have decided to do was to take action, and learn ways in which I can make things better.
I grew up with my mother working for the county jail, and I know how hard she works, but I also know how much harder she has to work because she is black. I also know how hard it is for African Americans with the police. I can honestly say just because he was black. My cousin went missing almost 15 years ago, and till this day we have no clue what happen to him. That’s Alabama
I really do not know what to say except that we need to make a change soon
How do you know when you are done?
Is it when the job is done?
Or when your heart ache so bad that it simply no longer hurts.
That is something that is hard to tell
There is nothing more to say
Yet you never know how to stop
You move so fast that you never see the light
Home is never a place to rest
It becomes a place of unease nonsense
Then you realize that the work is not done
So, you ask yourself again when you are done
The answer is not an answer that you want
It becomes the one that you accept
Then when you have given it your all
You will begin again
Then you done
How do you get over missing something that you never knew that you missed. The last couple of days, weeks, months, and years you will learn that it is not easy being alone. I really don’t know what to say right now, I just feel like I need to say something. I have a feeling that things are about to get worse, and I don’t know how to feel or adjust. That is something that a lot of people are feeling right now, but you have to learn how to get over it and move differently.
I don’t know what to really say or write now, but it is time to do everything that you want to do, and you have no reason not to. Your time is now and the door is open it is up to you to walk in or let it close. Make sure you chose wisely.