I do not matter.
At least that is what my heart thinks.
It is what makes my head hurt.
It spins so much that I never know when it is turning.
Where can I find the space to be free?
Why does the world hate me?
What can I do to please.
I can not make that wish and I cannot see those beats.
I can try to be better, but that will not make them right.
I just want to make things smooth.
So that ocean can flow beneath your feet.
I think it all means that I must go.
There will be no goodbyes, and no more sorrows.
Just a well wish for a dream that will never come true.
I do not belong to me anymore.
I cannot see the future that no longer lives in my eyes.
I keep breathing and one day I will stop.
I try to make it through the next day, praying that my heart will stop.
I remember a time when I dream about it all.
I remember the idea that love was the goal.
I think about the days that made me feel free.
Then my thoughts turn to just me.
A person who is worthless to a tree.
A person that just cannot be.
A sea of horrors filled with love.
I can feel the pain.
It is covered with hate.
Then smeared with love that is unwanted.
Brought back to live by simply trying.
This is the destination for you.
It is just not the place that I want to be.
Another day I have awoken with a breath.
Another day I wish that would not be.
Trying to see the light, but I keep getting surrounded by the shadows.
Asking why are you keeping me?
Why can I not go to the land where my people are free?
Not hearing the answer that I want but hearing the answer that people think I need.
This is not my just because this is not a celebration.
This is years of heartache and pain.
Years of not living a life.
Years of worrying about the cause and effect from others.
To taking the pain you store to yourself.
My heart can no longer break.
I shattered it years ago a day I came to be.
Now it is no more and soon so will I.