Poem: Decision

One year a world was change.

No more worries, no more pain, no more sorrow.

Most importantly no more stress.

The place that gave me so much was in the back of my rear view.

An environment that made me grow, but also showed me that I needed to grow.

Holding on to something that I no longer felt like trying to catch.

A decision was made to change and just let everything go.

No back up to hold my hand, just the idea of being free.

Leaving behind memories that were never supposed to be made.

That became friends that you talk to everyday.

I had to find a place of happy.

Was it easy, no?

It was worth it.

A decision was made 5 years ago, and another was made 1 year ago.

They both change my life; I am thankful for both.

Poem: Change

Nothing is the same anymore.

When I look around, I see everything that I remember.

Then when I look at the mirror, I no longer see me.

Yes, I am there, but my spirt is no longer.

My hope for today, my love for yesterday, and my wonder for tomorrow is no longer.

Something has change, yet I do not know what happen.

I used to wake up everyday with a plan, no I wake up no longer thank about my future.

Why is that?

I no longer think that I have one, my world has change, but I have not change with it.

I hold onto the past, secretly hoping that I could go back.

That cannot be, but I wish it could.

New Chapter

A lot of things are happening, and I do not know how to feel. It is almost everything that I wanted, but I am still not sure how to feel about that. My life is changing, and change is good, but how much change is good? I do not know what I am doing, or am I doing the right thing with my life. I just know that I had to leave one situation and go to something better. I had to leave people that I cared about; the thing that once made me happy.

The question that keeps coming up in my mind is did I need to do it? Did I do something that I should not have done? These questions do not have answers, at least none that I can see.

My life is a crazy one. It is one that I am thankful for, but I feel like there is so much more that I need to be doing, and I do not know what that is. You must be willing to fail in order to succeed, but to what end. That is something that only can you say, and it is not easy to say. That is the beautiful thing about life, each day you get to wake up you get to decide how you want it to go. My goal for this year was to be happy. I do not know how that is going to be, but I hope it will be great.

I should have some news very soon about something that I have been terrified to do for the longest, but with a little encouraging from some people it might be coming true. I just pray for better days.

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New Light

This year is almost over and it has been one hell of a year if I must say so myself. I have done a lot and I must say that I have learn a lot about myself, some good and some bad. The one thing that stands out to me is how selfish and ungrateful I have been to the people in my life especially my mom. I have never been the best person that I can be, but with everything happening in the world and learning and experiencing that life can be over with an instance. There have been time that I have been thinking about and I am completely ashamed of the way that I acted. I think that as I am getting closer and closer to my 30’s everything is becoming more clearer to me than ever before.

This year has been the year of uncertain and also the year that you had time to sit and think about your life, well that what it has been for me at least. There have been things that has happen all over the course of my life that I feel ashamed about the way I acted with everyone that I have now. I cannot change the pass, but I can learn from it. That is what I plan on doing going forward. I know the kind of person that I was and that is not the person that I want to be ever again.

If there is one thing we all can take from 2020 is that you have to look at yourself and either be grateful for it, and if you don’t you might lose it. Life is too precious to be selfish. There are millions of people who will and have literally died to have the life that you got, and you treat it like crap. We all have to be able to look at things from everyone that just the one looking back at you. A positive note this year I was finally able to do something that I have always wanted to do, was it perfect but I went for it and I am incredibly grateful. The best thing I can say right now it to just be grateful. This is not promise.