Why do I always have to be strong?
Can I have some help besides the tears that always follow.
Does anybody even care?
Honestly, I cannot tell.
I never like me, now I am finding out that I do not love me.
I hide from my fear, but they are all I got.
They keep me warm at night, but they also keep me cold.
I guess that explains my soul.
I tried to find me today.
It just was not the same.
The claws that hang on my back, went in deeper than before.
I tried to get a move, but my spirt did not want me to.
I keep looking for this dream, but it is not near me.
Where has all this turn to.
I just want to be free.
Am I even dreaming or am I awake?
I took a day off.
Then I remember why that simply cannot be.
My life has been on hold, and now it is holding on to something.
Things that made sense are now a blur.
Make believe is not an option that I can have.
I want a dream, but life is simply anything but.
When will I learn to live with me and not a dream?
Is there a dream that I can have to simply be seen?
I would just like to know, before they tell me to go.
I succeed today.
At least that is what I think.
I made the grade that some say was not possible.
I took the leap that faith told me was okay.
Then why do I not feel okay?
Why is my heart and mind not the same?
Which one do I choose?
The one that is always true, or the one that makes me sing the blues.
I cannot not pick so I will let them sit.
In the stench that has become me.