Do it

The last two weeks I came up with an idea that I would like to pursue. I am not sure that it will work out, but this is something to keep me being more creative. These last few months have been crazy for me with writing, and life in general. There is so much going on with my mind, that I am not sure if I it all makes sense to me.

The one constant thing I must say that has stayed the same is that I would like to be a writer. I want to be able to tell stories, not just any stories I want to tell my stories. My mind is always running, and it is never stopping. I do not want it to stop if I am honest. I just do not know how much more I need to do.

Last year I set a goal for me to write a screenplay, and you know what I did it. Was it easy, no? I set the goal and I accomplished. The truth is I have not looked at that since at least march. I know I need to go back and edit it, but I just cannot go back to it. If I am honest the reason I have not gone back to is because I do not trust me, and I never think anything that I do is good. I know it is good, but I tend to change almost everything when I go back over it.

I am just my own worst critic. If everyone around me tells me what I am writing is good. I just think they are making it up. It is something that I am working on, but it will take time. Maybe my new idea will be the push I need to keep going. Who knows, but you must just do it, do not worry about if this good or not just do it.

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Poem: Knock at the Door

Pain is knocking at my door.

I am thinking about opening it, but my feet cannot move.

It keeps knocking and knocking, but I do not say a word.

I know what needs to happen, it was in the plans for months.

I am just afraid of what will happen or if it would come.

This is not the first time it has knock, the last time I was not afraid to open the door.

Now, I am getting terrified what do I do.

It is going to come in one way or the other, but this time I do not want it.

We were friends, that used to see other from time to time.

It was never great, but it was needed.

Then it would leave, and everything would be gold.

I was happy, but now I no longer know how to feel.

This door is getting bigger and bigger, and the knocks are getting louder.

Is this the end, will I make it through?

I guess I need to just open the door.

Poem: Burden

There is nothing left to say.

I tried to give it my all, but I still came up short.

What can I do to make it right?

Is the battle worth the fight?

The circle is almost closed, but I keep trying to erase the lines before it close.

How many times can I do that without tearing it?

This paper is not as strong as it seems.

I am already halfway wearing out form the trouble of me.

 I always thought that I wanted this, but it is starting too not be as clear.

The quiet no longer scares me, it makes me feel whole.

My wholeness is always my weakness.

 Can I make it to another day, or do I need to just run away?

This is hard for me, but is it hard?

I do not know.

This a burden that I just must bare.

Poem: Back a Little

I thought about you today.

It is not that I do not think about you all the time, but today it was different.

I thought about when you were younger and had dreams about seeing the world.

The things that made you wonder, and made you feel at ease.

It was something special, that made you special.

I thought about the house that at the time you did not know would become your home.

The one that you did not like, but the one that made all your memories.

Little did you these would be some of the last that you had with the people that you love.

Everything was special, but you did not know it or care to enjoy it.

I thought about the trees, it was five of them.

You watch them grow and bloom as they did with you.

You had your favorite, yet you will never say which one it was.  

This was a different time, and you were you, but were you?

One year ago, seems so far, yet 20 seems a lifetime ago.

I miss this person; I wish you could go back and do again.

Would everything be the same, I do not think so.

You learn and grow and that is what happen.

I often wish you could be back there.

Then I think about, and I will just enjoy the memories instead.