Number on a number line

Well today is a day that never ever seen myself making it to. Not that I thought that this day would come, I just could never image that I would be 30. It is kind of still hard to say to be honest, but as today goes on all I have been thinking about, is where am I in my life, and do I feel content. The answer to second part is still up for debate, but the answer to the first questions is one that I know the answer to, but I am still afraid to admit to myself what it is. I never would say my age, I would always say that I am a number on a number line, and that’s it.

I have always thought that when or if I reach this age that my life would be different. Granted it is different from where I was say 15 years ago, but a lot of this has stayed the same. It was not until last year that I started believing in myself more that I can do whatever I want. I have always know that it could happen, but I just could not see it coming true. A thing about birthdays that I do not like to admit is that I am scared of them. As long as I can remember, something bad has happen on or around this time. It has always involved death. It could be someone has died on that day or around that day, or someone funeral is that or finding out that someone you love is sick and dying. I can honestly say that all this has happen to me on more than one occasion. I will not sit worried about that anymore.

This year I looking at this day with new light, though I am still not fully ready to actually celebrate a birthday, I am learning to appreciate everyone that I will get. This year I am choosing to walk in a new light and think about everything that I have. I know a lot of people that would have given anything to make it to my age, but for some reason they did not. With everything that happen last year you know that tomorrow is not promise and you have to live life.

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Random- Getting Happy

Has anybody ever had a day where you just don’t know what to do, and everything is going wrong for you and you do not think anything is worth it anymore. Well that is what I am feeling like today. The last couple of days almost week I have just felt what the hell am I doing with my life. This something that has been going on with me since last year ( you can tell by my blog post), but lately it just seems to intensify. I just feel like this not worth it at all.

I think that it could of been the holiday season, or the fact that my 30th birthday is coming up, and this is not what I had plan on doing at this age. To me everything just seem off, I am slowing losing my purpose for life and what I want out of it, and I feel like I just need a break. from the day to day for maybe a month. There is a bunch stuff I wanted to do before 30, but sometimes things do not go as plan. I am not going to let that stop me. I have to learn and get use to the fact that there is no timetable for your life. Nothing will ever go as plan, but you can’t be down on yourself. That is what I want to do this year. The only thing that I want is to be happy, everyday and not worry about things that are out of my control. I have enough stress in my life, and I do not need to add anything more.

That is a lesson we all can take this year. Don’t worry about things that are not making you happy. If it not working find a way to make yourself happy. Money is not one of them I have learn, as my grandma always said ” you can’t take it with you.” This is the year to be happy and stay there.