Poem: Today I will die

Today I will die

I do not feel sad

Nor do I feel worried.

My emotions are gone

It has been too long

This day has been coming for awhile

Yet I am still unprepared

Today I will die

I don’t know what will happen

And I do not care

I just know that I will not be here tomorrow

My sun has risen

And now it is time for it to set

Today I will die

I used to love the light

But the dark has always called my name

I was always within its sight

I never tried to steal your light

There is not a day I don’t regret being you shade

Today I will die

I am trying not to cry

Not for me and my well being

But for you for I know it has come too soon

And you feel alone and blue

Today I will die

So please don’t cry

Heaven has waited long enough

Or is it hell that is pulling me

Remember the night that the moon smiled back

The day the sun made us sleep

Remember me for the way we became

And not the way I left

Today I will die

I am going to the other side

Is it bright like you

Or dark like me

Just remember we will see each other eventually

For you are leaving with me

 

 

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Not Wanted

This is going to be a little different what I normally would do, not totally different. Lately I have been getting a lot of yes’s, but I also have been getting a lot of no’s. The sad part about this is that I am getting used to it that it does not bother me anymore, it pretty much just roll off my shoulder. I do not think that is a good thing to feel it makes you think that you are not good enough and that you are settle. This is something that I am trying to figure out why am I my own worst critic.

To say that I am my own worst critic is an understatement. I tend to think that everything that I ma doing is either wrong, or not worth me putting forth the effort at all. It always seem as if it is not worth my time. That is another conversation for another day. I know I keep saying that, but trust me when I do tell the story you will not believe everything that I am saying.

The purpose of  this post to tell was to talk about rejection and not feeling wanted or that you will ever be more than what you are now, but I am not sure how to say those words or to tell he story at all. A dream or goal you should say of mine is to be some sort or writer, which should be kinda obvious, but the passion that I should have for that has slowly gone back down again, and I am starting to feeling as if that will never happen for me. The consent rejection that I am getting from other, and to be frank from myself is making me feel as if where I am is where I will always be.

Rejection is a part of life, but at what point should a person get use to, and should they ever get use to it. That is complicated to say, but why is that we get use to rejection, but not use to congratulations especially from ourselves. We are our own worst enemies, yet we tend to like that more than we like being told that we are doing good. The rejection that I been having for that last couple of years I would have to admit is something that I have done to myself. Instead of me going to change the reason I got the rejection I just let it soak in and I use to hold on to for weeks at a time. Now I just roll off my back like water, and somehow that id fine to me? That is something that should not be fine at all. It should be motivation to go and do better, but I cannot.

When it come to good news, or something that could in turn be good news I brings me down so much more that a rejection could ever do. That is something that I have to be better at. I need to learn to lift myself up more, but that remains to be seen, by the end of this week I will maybe get another rejection and I will feel nothing.

Poem: Love gone

Why don’t you love me? I never understood why Because you are dead inside

Every day I try and try

The answer never seems to come

Why don’t you love me?

I tried to find the light in you

But you always end up bringing out the dark in me

Because you are dead inside.

Your voice is no longer my joy

Yet I need to hear it to keep breathing

Why don’t you love me?

Yesterday was good

One morning when I awake

And see that you are not there

I will stop asking why you don’t love me.

I will remember that you are no longer here to answer because you were gone all alone.

 

 

Past and not Present

How many people can say that they find themselves living in the past when they should be living in the present? I can honestly say that I find myself doing this a lot recently. I don’t why, but the past just seems so much better than the present at the moment. You get so used to things going a certain way that lately they have not been going the way in which I wish they would go.

I have learn that living in the past all time will make having a future hard to come by, or close to. As i have learn and said lately life is too short, and you have to learn to go for what you want, and be willing to fail. I think the best thing that can happen to someone is to fail. It may seem strange to say, but without failure how can you grow and change things that you don’t need to change. I know there are a bunch of things that I need to change, but the question is do I have the ability to change them.

That was not something I should have said. We all have the ability to change things that about ourselves, but the real questions is do we deep down want to change them. If there is something about yourself that you know needs to change, then you need to have the will power to do. Life is short as we all know, but you need to make sure that you are living to the best of your ability, and not in the past but the present.

I cannot say that within the next few weeks that I am going to be living in the present more, but I am sure is going to stop living in past I have so much more to look forward to.